Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Day 3.

Well, over the past 24 hours I've thought about so much. I went from accepting this, to trying to tell my body to expel this non-viable pregnancy, to now having a glimmer of hope.

I went to the lab and had my beta HCG drawn, as well as an antibody, they wanted to make sure I'm RH neg. So, I got the call tonight that my beta is 52,000! That is pretty high for a sac with nothing in it if you ask me. Geez.
So, I go back tomorrow to see what they're looking like (rising or dropping), and NOW the Dr. wants to see me next week. Shit, I can't take this. The up and down, up and down.

I just want to enjoy being pregnant - or non-pregnant. I hate this limbo, the hope, only to probably be let down. I fucking hate it. I'm tired, but I guess I have to fight for my baby. Even if there is a .000001% that this baby could be alive, I've got to do WHATEVER I can to save it, to make sure it has a life. I can't believe I could just terminate this pregnancy this weekend, and not knowing how things could be going.

Well - I'll update later. I need an emotional break.

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