Saturday, October 13, 2007

Just venting for a second..

I can NOT believe -- the DAY I buy the cytotec I have this m/c. You know how bad I wanted to avoid it, and I didn't think I was going to be able to, and wanted to do it this weekend...
It's just unreal the day I go buy that crap I m/c. Now wtf am I going to do with 8 cytotec pills? Can you send them back to the pharmacy? Just toss them? Whatever...

But something I wanted to point out, before the m/c started last night... I just did not feel right. I felt very not like myself. I didn't want dinner (even at 8pm I wasn't hungry) but made DH go get me chili from Wendys (for iron) It's like I just KNEW it was coming. I mean, I had been bleeding light all day (not even like a full period) My face was really hot, I felt weak, and just not myself. I'm curious to know if others ever felt that way the day of their m/c. It sure is interesting.

For the moment the cramping has seemed to get lighter. I don't know if it's the advil or what. I don't feel any cramps, but I DO feel the contractions still. They just get SO tight!

I'm so glad my body started to get itself in gear. I really wanted a natural m/c. I just feel like our bodies are capable of handling this, and really prepare for it, vs. shocking it into something. But I was willing to do whatever I had to do. I mean, we're not really given a choice in this matter, are we?
I feel like we have so many hurdles to cross while m/c. First it's the very first diagnosis, then we come home and we get a glimmer of hope, then we have a follow up u/s, then a final diagnosis. Then we have a choice to make in terms of how we want to m/c. Some choose d&c, some cytotec, and some waiting. With all the options we run the risk for infection. If we choose to m/c naturally, we could still retain tissue and need a d&c anyway.
Now my next hurdle is my U/S. Dr's want to see me the week after I m/c to make sure my uterus is clean, along with weekly beta draws.
Mmm, fun.
Then after is all said and done, and we ttc again and DO get pregnant, I can't imagine what that first trimester is going to be like.


I'm drinking loads of Gatorade. I ate some french toast sticks for breakfast even though I'm not even close to hungry, I think you should definitely eat while your body is doing this.

DD just brought me the heating pad. I think I'll lay on that for a while.

Be back later.
xoxo,
me

1 comment:

cseaton82 said...

It has obviously been a really long time since you wrote this not sure if you even check this anymore. I really admire that you were able to wait it out so long to miscarry. It is now 2012, Here is my story I Went to the ER on Friday June 1st for bright red bleeding it was not heavy just spotting. It happened once on Thursday and again on Friday night. I was supposed to be 10 weeks. After 9 hours I was only told my hcg levels were only 4535 they did an ultrasound and they only measured the baby at 5 weeks 6 days. They sent me home and said to expect a miscarriage to start any day, I wanted it to happen naturally I really didn't want the d&c. Waited the rest of the weekend expecting cramping and heavy bleeding to start. The anxiety was horrible and I just cried all weekend. I knew what was happening and lost hope because the timeline just didn't add up based on my last period and my first at home pregnancy test was positive on 04/21/12 with a positive blood test on 04/25/12. So I waited for something to happen I never had one cramp and only had light spotting to the point where I didn't even have to wear a pad. I wore one as a precaution but I threw every single one away without anything on it. I called my doctor on Monday they couldn't see me till Tuesday more waiting I had a little heavier bleeding on Monday that stopped and I still didn't need a pad. Finally at my appointment the nurse practitioner told me don't lose hope I just might not be that far along, then she came back in the room with my blood results and the hcg levels dropped to 3000, she said that didn't look good. She sent me for an ultrasound the tech said the same thing well don't lose hope and then she told me the ultrasound showed no change still 5 weeks 6 days. Technically it was not a blighted ovum because they saw the fetal pole but no heartbeat. By this time I should be close to 11 weeks. I was told that day the doctor wanted to do the d&c, since at that point it had already been close to 6 weeks since fetal demise. She said that if yoy don't take care of things it can make you sick like sepsis or blood poisoning. The whole thing scared me, surgery scared me and waiting scared me. I really didn't want to have surgery but the more I though about and in order to move on I decided to have the d&c. I couldn't stand the thought waiting longer for something to happen or going through the trauma of having to see all of the signs of conception come out and keep wondering if that clot was the baby. The procedure was quick went in to the hospital at 1:30 and was home by 3:45. I have not had any bleeding or cramping. And I actually feel better emotionally because the anxiety is gone and we are just that much closer to being able to try again. I never had any bleeding or cramping since the procedure and we even had sex without any pain or complications and it has only been a week. Your blog made me feel better that I went with my decision of the d&c I don't think I could handle what you went through.

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