Non-Chalant Dr. called me

She kind of gets on my nerves. First of all, if you have Kaiser insurance, you know how much of a freaking PITA it is to even get in TOUCH with your Dr. Second, they're so "by the book" there. Everything from tests, how they do things, where you go, ect.
She finally called again (for the 3rd time missing her call) to answer some questions I had. She said she doesn't use the other med (the one that blocks hcg and progesterone) because it's not widely used in the USA for missed miscarriage, but mostly abortion (elective) and she doesn't do that. Ok, fine, not that I even wanted to use it, I was just wondering as the rate of effectiveness is much higher with both meds are used (95% vs 75)

I'm fine with that, and then we talked about when I was going to use cytotec. I told her about my recent cramping and spotting and frankly she seemed annoyed. I told her in all honesty I wanted to try to naturally m/c. She said "Ya, but the question is, how long do you want to wait this out" -- in a total condescending voice.
Shit, I don't effing know! I don't want to wait at ALL, but I *ALSO* don't want to shove 4 pills up my va-jay-jay and lay in the fetal position all day in pain, nor do I want a surgical "procedure" to rid my uterus of the "products of conception" either!
I'm freaking terrified of surgery (I think we've established this) When I had my emergency c-section with my last daughter, I was balling, I was hysterical. I was about to have a little BABY, and all I could think of was the damn waiver I had to sign about death, hysterectomy ect.
It all went fine, but I also had a epidural in place already at that point for hours. They only had to up the dose, and cut me open. Fast, nice and I got to see and hold my precious baby girl shortly after.

Medical route (cytotec) ughhhh.... I'll do this as a LAST step. I am cramping, I'm starting to spot. Perhaps my body is freaking kicking in and realizing I have this in my uterus and wants to get rid of it? I don't know! I've never done this before, I've never been in this situation before! I just wish I had a Dr. who was empathetic to my needs, and was very happy with my choice to do what I wanted! She never mentioned that I'd probably be m/c now (from the cramping and spotting) all she kept referring to was "next weekend when you do the cytotec" "Make sure to make an appt the week after you do the cytotec"
I JUST SAID I was hoping/thinking I was starting to m/c now! Why can't she just say " Oh, well maybe you are starting to m/c, I'll call you in a couple days to see how you're feeling"
Ohhh... Not my Kaiser Dr.

Sorry to wine and bitch, but I'm just irritated. Yes, this is a sad, pathetic, lonely wait. It is, I'm not going to lie.

And to add insult to injury, I'm sick of people treating me as if nothing has happened! I'm freaking tired of it!

I got a freaking e-mail today from someone who just had a baby... ugh Had a lovely bouncing baby girl, who was 8-14oz. Uhhh... Thanks for the email!! I just lost a baby, let's celebrate yours!

I'm just venting. I don't want to come off as a rude prick. Really, some things might not seem that big, but he could of not added me to the email list of his lil' girl, and instead told me later.

If I do get pregnant again, I will NOT tell anyone for like 15 weeks. I'm dead serious. Not even my children. This hurt is too much. I always used to think I'd get over a m/c pretty fast if I had one. I never in a million years realized it was so invasive. It's consuming my life right now.

I'm off my soapbox and done venting.

xoxo,
me